Funny thing happened on the way to my mid-30s: I grew up.
(Okay, just a little mind you, but definitely some sort of maturation thing going on.)
I’m not sure when it happened: Could have been when my daughter was born last year, could have been a book I read, could have been a conversation I had with a friend. But it dawned on me recently that the piss-and-vinegar attitude of my youth had started to fade a bit. Where at times I would rant and rage and jump from extreme to loud, cussing extreme whenever someone let me down or something didn’t go the way I wanted, I now find myself still bothered but less likely to re-act so demonstratively. Not that I’ve become a pushover; rather my mood as been subdued slightly and I’m letting ill-fated waters roll off my back.
Case in point: A dear friend and business partner has fallen short of my expectations and recently informed me he no longer desired to be a part of the project. Too bad. A year or more ago and I would have verbally nailed him to a cross, called him all sorts of names and groused about his shunning of my dream and hard work. (I tend, some may well point out, to make most things about me.) And while I read the email divulging these new developments to my progress, I calmly moved on and enjoyed the rest of my day off. Admittedly, I supposed I wasn’t sure I’d read things the way they were meant to be and I thought time and reflection would server more purposeful than reaction and a pointed turn of phrase. Consequently, I offer decorum and poise in my response a few days later and the reasons behind this change of plan became evident.
Here’s the thing: I’m sure lots of folks go through this. There’s no new revelation to behold, no new process in which to build a new religion upon. I suppose I’ve simply tired from being the Angry Young Man and don’t cherish a legacy as the Angry Old Man. Whereas a retirement of cantankerous and persnickity affectations were once sought, I now find myself eager to move on, enjoy the day as it is, and revel in all the Good Lord has to offer. Sure, I’m disappointed in the shortcomings of others, my family and (most importantly) myself. But those days of raging against those who I thought were positioned against me have begun to fade. I’ve discovered most folks have too much crap and heartache and disappointment in their own lives to truly go out of their way to hurt me; I’ve also found the things that once hurt no longer mean that much. I guess Life will have to find another way.
Moving forward, I’ll take a deep breath, count to 10 (20, 30 or however long it takes) and move forward deliberately and in an effort to minimize the damage. I fear an outward sign of weakness, but I remind myself life is too short to worry about the opinion of others. There’s too much living to get to and too little time to do it.
